‘Your lips lose me, your eyes move me’

Hello U,

I know I promised (wait a sec, did I actually promise?) to post more often and honestly, I’ve started three posts this week, but they’ll more than likely dwell in the land of drafts forever, or maybe I should spend a month or so posting the countless drafts I’ve saved since the beginning of this blog?

OK Guys-we have FIVE more days until my birthday….5 more days. It makes me feel just a little stomach icky-this huge birthday I’m facing-especially since I’m still as immature as ever…maybe I’ll never be a grown up? I think this pre-birthday tension is spilling into my dreams lately, too-this whole ridiculous age thing. I usually dream about other people’s lives that have absolutely nothing to do with me, but still it manages to really affect me, usually for the worst: For example, this week alone-I’ve had three massive nightmares about being other people:

In the first dream, I was a 70-something black woman, that sometimes channeled her dead brother on days she didn’t feel like dealing with her chaotic world. She’d allow her dead brother to handle things, and the rest of her rather large family was totally fine with the idea that sometimes she wasn’t there at all. Then during the dream I became her granddaughter, who’d come home from college and brought along my white boyfriend, which seemed to cause some sort of issue, but the issue was soon overshadowed by the fact that my grandmother was actually terminally ill- though there were no doctors, and since I, (the granddaughter) was studying to become a doctor, I had to give the unfortunate prognosis to the entire family.

In the second dream, I was a middle-aged white man who’d worked in a factory for 27 years and  was facing a lay off. Throughout my dream he was trying to figure out how to keep his job before the boss gave him the official notice at the end of the day-so he killed co-workers in hopes of replacing them. He had a really nasty cigarette habit and he smelled weird-and his cap was waaaay too tight-I actually woke up feeling like I was wearing the hat, and I can’t remember whether killing off his co-workers managed to help him stay employed or not.

The third dream was the most disturbing, for some reason… I was a 20-something wife of a murderer that broke into new homes, murdered everyone and then took me to the new homes and pretended each house was a gift for me- and all of the furnishings were things I had picked out for the houses, but had somehow forgotten about. Although the ‘me’ in the dream really believed him, the me that was watching the dream knew his dirty secret because I was forced to watch him murder, but couldn’t tell the other me. And the ‘me’ in the dream (which was a blonde pony-tailed denim-wearing girl WTF?) kept writing the word DAD on her throat with black eyeliner, (as a way to impress my murderous husband?) Eventually, the spectator me finally crashed into the dream as a male friend of the blonde me, telling her/me the entire story about my insane husband-so I jumped from a second floor window with my friend (the spectator me) and ran away through the woods into a tiny town-only to be mistaken as an escaped Schizophrenic patient and once I began getting chased by people trying to take (return?) me to the hospital, I woke up.

So tell me, Doctors-what does it ALLLLLLLL mean?

And then I spent this weekend in a sleepy haze, staying awake for five or six hours and then sleeping for twelve hours or so. Was this my body’s natural reaction to hibernate during a ZERO degree windchill? Was it my raging case of PMS? Was it my body recovering from the Ambien and Restoril, now that  I’ve not taken either in days??

So, let’s get back to the birthday count down…Tonight, I had a pre-birthday pizza dinner… AND a little birdie told me that I have these coming in a few days. And perhaps the fact that I actually picked  this as a gift on my own means I really am becoming more like people my own age? At least my mother might be happy that I made such a wise adult decision, right?

So, I actually meant to make this post short because there’s several things I want to do tonight-like watch a movie with Nile, and do an email that’s long overdue, (as usual) but as always, I begin typing and its hard to stop, but its all for the greater good, because the more I type to U-the more I want to type, which means progressing stories along, right? Anyway, this was the original reason for this post:

Once upon a time, in the VERY early 90’s, while I was leaping playfully through my Grunge phase, a friend of mine put this on in the car and turned it up REALLY loud. I was expecting something at least semi-cheesy, since my friend had a habit of listening to really cheesy music-(At the time, I blamed it on her strict Catholic upbringing, but now I’m not so sure that was the root of the problem because she also really liked Melissa Etheridge and I’m not so sure Catholics really dig M.E.), and this song began to play and right away, I  gave her the ‘U’ve got to be kidding me’ look, and then punched her in the arm-which is still my way of beating up my friends that really should know better than to expose me to such utter cheesy ick. But she whined “no, wait-give it a chance, listen to these lyrics!” and believe it or not, I was hooked! Maybe it was because this was not only my Grunge days of Kurt Cobain and occasionally Eddie Veddar with a hint of something more meat-heady like Pantera (perhaps a nod to my metal-chick days?), but I was also really into Percy Shelley and Lord Byron…Well, more into them than their work, but still, I knew when something sounded really good….I wasn’t just about: ‘Oh well, whatever, nevermind’… so the lyrics really caught my attention and soon, this song became a stand-in for nights when my friend, Miss Etheridge and I went for drives brokenhearted or feeling miserable about some shithead, or maybe just in need of hearing something really sweet from the opposite sex (at least for me, because I’m not so sure my friend was really into the male species after-all. Sometimes people have a way of springing the strangest surprises on you, don’t they?)

So for the past ten years or so, I’ve thought about this song from time to time, trying to hunt it down all over the place, but sadly, I’ve never found it. Then I got an email from someone who noticed my last.fm playlist and the fact that a few days ago, I played something really old and never really popular-but something that I still love nevertheless (perhaps because the lyrics: “she’s moody and grey, she’s mean and she’s restless” are a pretty spot-on description for myself any time an ‘About Me’ pops up.) So, this person mentioned that because I liked Arcadia, I might also appreciate a band who originated from his hometown in South West England. The group he was talking about were called This Picture, and the song he’d suggested I listen to was “Naked Rain”THE song that I’ve looked for for AGES-Pretty cool, eh? SO-Thanks to Ethan, who can appreciate a great song-even if  ‘he wasn’t even alive yet when this song was out‘.

And guess what- Despite the fact that I don’t fancy the music so much, the lyrics are still absolutely gorgeous, so give it a chance and listen-and if you’re a male, realize that this is the sort of thing women, (really intense women, at least) WANT U to say. The sooner you realize that, the sooner your lives will become much, much sweeter. I really should add tags, but it’ll have to wait until later-for now, The Road is calling.

(Let it be wild, let it be warm, let it be deep, let it be everything!)

‘Its got to be Jazz, that’s WHAT she wants’,

~13

Naked Rain

The gates are open, my eyes are wide
Burning the candle that keeps me alive
Going in blind
The water’s cold, cold, cold murder

So bring it back to me, bring it back to me and take me in

She is warm, willing, deep and giving
She is wild, killing, she keeps on giving
She is cold, thrilling, painfully forgiving

Let it be wild, let it be warm, let it be deep, let it be everything

Your lips lose me, your eyes move me, colder than the rain
Your arms hold me, your body folds me deeper again
So run with me, run with me, colder than the rain

She is wild, killing, so I start living
She is warm, willing, so deep and giving
She is cold, thrilling, painfully forgiving

Let it be wild, let it be warm, let it be deep, let it be everything

Your lips lose me, your eyes move me, colder than the rain
Your arms hold me, your body folds me deeper again
So run with me, run with me, colder than the rain, the rain, the rain

Every branch of your body has broken
Every arch of your body has spoken
So bring it back to me, bring it back to me and take me in
So bring it back to me, bring it back to me

Your lips lose me, your eyes move me, colder than the rain
Your arms hold me, your body folds me deeper again
Run with me, run with me, colder than the rain
Run with me, run with me, colder than the rain

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