Things NOT to do when in danger

I was being a well behaved person…sleeping away the better part of the early evening, when I was awakened by Daniel and informed that the weather wasn’t so nice…Ahhh, the one downfall to this season-effing TORNADO threats!!!!

Proof that the doctor was correct when he told me the new meds would “help me remain calm”: Rather than freak out, begin crying like a pre-schooler and praying and pleading to whatever may be listening to take into consideration that I’m essentially a good person somewhere down deep beneath it all…I ran to the window and stared at the hail pelting the outside world…Very calmly I begin to say “Just stop…Just fucking stop”. But this particular storm was a bit rowdy, so I imagine he couldn’t really hear me so well at first, though soon enough it did pass-but NOT before I ran to my closet- still half asleep and well medicated, wondering what to wear for the tornado event…This sounds crazy, I know-but considering that I had bright orange silky Pjs and a long dark red lazy-woman silk caftan on, I thought it best that I change. After all, U never know if U may be one of the few selected to speak on the Weather Channel after the monster funnel rips everything apart in the dinky little town, right?

After picking out something quick, but decent looking for the televised trauma, I glanced at my makeup bag…after all, one wants to look her best, even if her home HAS been or is about to be blown to bits, right??? But something sensible…that tiny, tiny speck of rationality inside made me skip the makeup and go back into the living room-where I promptly grabbed a stick of mint gum-afterall, the LEAST I can do in such a crisis is have fresh breath, right?

During this deluded panic, I was also frantically trying to contact my sister-a newly addicted Twitterer to tell her to step away from the computer and her Tweets and turn on the TV because she was in the direct path of the warning, whereas I was only on the edge of it all…So I sent repeated “Emergency” emails in ALL CAPS with messages like :”TORNADO HEADING YOUR WAY IN 22…NO MAKE THAT 9 MINUTES ACTUALLY-FIND SOMEWHERE SAFE NOW!!!!!!”

Like I said, the terror passed over and we were spared once again…But a word of advice-skip the makeup and keep the silk PJs on. But by all means, have the mint gum…fresh breath is always, always essential.

Your Minty Fresh Girl



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