This is all just a fever dream, right?

Hi
‘member me? I’m on my second round of antibiotics and guess what! I still have a strange pressure in the left side of my skull-Hoozah!

This MAY be very Un-Lucia brief-for at least 5 reasons or so that I’ll spare U the misfortune of hearing. Beyond the swimming head and the extreme mental confusion, I actually began writing something tonight-as soon as I flipped on my bedside light because it had been decided that I wasn’t going to get any more sleep. It’s coming along…it’s about…gardening..in a sense. If U really hate it, we’ll blame it on the fever dreams, ok? Though to be honest, I’ve neglected to check my temperature over the past 6 days or so-I kept getting the same 99.6 reading, so I got bored with it.

It was very quick-both yesterday and today-as quick as Nile’s imaginary house goblin used to poke his head around the corner of our attic apartment doorways-but I caught a glimpse of SPRING-TWICE! and NO it WASN’T the alien chip in my skull talking-it really WAS here-I could smell it-SPRING is gonna happen again-U just wait and see! My mother is feeling her mortality these days-which is odd-because for the first 59 years of her life, she hardly seemed to notice that life was actually happening. But last Wednesday, while she was dropping me all sorts of rotten hints about how concerned she is about my health-and how she doesn’t think its such a good idea that I pop 30 days worth of anitibiotics-though I TRIED explaining that maybe this was a quick easy way to cure my old MS symptoms because maybe I actually have Lyme disease instead and would rather grow a penis on my forehead than to actually get the doctor-prescribed spinal tap for a proper diagnosis-she suddenly says “Luci, I’m going to be 60 in June!” as if she had just woke from some dragging dream where nothing too terribly exciting really happens. The sort where you wake up from in the morning feeling a bit bored, a bit cheated. What did I say in response? Something lame like “Oh that’s ok, 60’s no big deal at all!” Look, I have brain rot and I’m not the queen of empathy-just ask the loved ones who are building my funeral pyre as we speak. But then she said something very un-mom like and something that actually gave me hope. She said, “Spring’s so close I can almost taste it. We’ll be ok as soon as it gets here. We have to be ok, Luci. Spring always makes things better.” Moms are so weird, aren’t they?

So, Maybe I’ll get some work done on my gardening piece-which is obviously NOT about gardening at all.. It seems promising, just a shame that real life inspired it. Maybe I’ll wake up from this fever dream-and the warm wind will be blowing through my window and the once-irritating spring birds will seem lovely to me for a change and I’ll hop out of bed-feeling light as a feather and the world outside will be unbelievably green and I’ll not spend another Poe-ish sort of day contemplating my mortality…or my morality for that matter.

maybe…

Here is the best trailer for Coraline-which is lovely and scary in a very familiar fever dream sort of way that fits so well in my world right now. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if the people around me didn’t begin sporting button eyes, really. Then again-maybe I’m the one wearing the strange eyes right now…


 

Also, thank you for the emails-Its so nice to hear from friends that I thought I’d lost-especially the ones who send two lovely songs that are so different from anything I normally listen to-It’s so nice to hear from you Mister A.!
Ok, that’s it for now-Omnicef is calling for my 12 hour spanking.

 Wow, it wasn’t so brief after all, was it?

crooked smiles…

~13

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