A Bit of Something or A Lot of Nothing?

Back in Black

I was really missing the old theme.


Did U miss me?


Since I’ve been away so long, I’ll try to give you some goodies.

I’m not going to work on the photblog until things have improved for me, but for now, I thought I’d leave you some photos.

First of all, let’s talk about Santa-the first picture is a certain 6 year-old who was terrified of the beardy weirdy– I remember when I was small, I’d do something crazy whenever I was scared, such as pinch myself or try pulling my fingers too far-anything to distract me from whatever was scaring the Hell out of me at the time. Notice I’m practically breaking my little fingers in this one:


Awesome coat,eh?


The following is a smarter, tougher certain 7 year-old, who’s no longer afraid of the big hairy guy. As a matter of fact, take a look at Mr. Claus’ expression-he seems to be a bit scared of her. By the way, I thought this was the coolest clothes ever-mainly because they were Christmas gifts from my Dad.



I considered changing the header to one of the following photos, just because I like the expression in both photos. What do ya think of ‘Little 13’?




Ok, moving on…



First of all, to update you on what seems like a really bad comedy, but is rather typical of how my complicated world runs, let me bring you up to date on my apartment situation-Have I moved? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Last Wednesday, I called the landlady to ask whether she’d heard anything from the main office and of course she hadn’t. BUT she told me she was certain that they’d tell her the apartment was ready ‘by the end of the week’ and we’d be able to move in. On Friday, Daniel called her once again-just to give her a gentle reminder that we’re still waiting and she again said that she assumed the apartment would be ready ‘by the end of this week’, and that they could call her ‘at any time’. Guess what guys-here it is, Friday again, and still NO word. A normal person in a normal situation would tell her to shove her silly cubicle apartment up her unorganized backside, but unfortunately, we’ve paid half of the deposit about two months ago (doesn’t that sound accurate?) and it’s non-refundable, so we haven’t much choice in the matter, so again for another week-and another month, life has hung in limbo and I’m not feeling very welcome here at the moment, which is grating on my last nerve, and I truly believe that if something doesn’t happen soon, something WILL happen-meaning, my unladylike temper’s gonna break free and someone’s going to feel my wrath! Ok, I better stop before I get too steamed to type . . .

What’s the deal with library books? Don’t you wish you could screen the readers who’ve come before you? A little background check to ensure that the book you plan on reading hasn’t been handled by a toilet reader or a nose-picking reader? I foolishly think that by being selective with my book choices, I can somehow eliminate the chances that some weirdo has spent a few days reading in the bathroom while doing his icky business, or that perhaps other people who may read a David Sedaris book surely would NEVER pick their nose while reading his wildly entertaining books! And then there are the eaters; I don’t mind that someone may have a few pretzels while reading a book, but since reading  “Dress your family in corduroy and denim”,  I’ve come across things stuck to pages that seem like a  strange combination of peanut butter and birdseed-Come on people, what gives??? Were the previous readers so hungry that they couldn’t put the book down for a bit and finish the damn peanut butter bagel? Trust me, the book IS engaging, but it hardly makes you want to voraciously stuff your gob-and tell me, if, while one is stuffing their gob as they read madly, is it too much to ask to wipe anything that may not make it to and through their lips OFF of the page before it dries and becomes a souvenir for the next reader? Geez, it makes me wonder what went through the minds of the swine before me? It also makes me realize that I am an extreme book snob, and can not judge a reader by the book, (or something that sounded somewhat funny in my mind before typing it though now the humor has fallen a bit flat) I shudder to think about the sort of things one may find while reading an “exotic book”…Wait a sec, I’ve been down that road before, and there were whole pages that had to be skipped because they were stuck together for life. This REALLY makes me want to get the names and addresses of the previous readers and hunt them down-maybe watch them secretly at first-to see which bad person was the peanut butter bird seed eater-and when I find him/her, I’d love to ring their doorbell and force them to bathe in their hideous food combo and perhaps make them clean the pages with their face-or at least force them to purchase a new pristine copy for my rightful reading pleasure!

 I really fancy the idea of someday having my own library-perhaps a collection of rare, strange or occult related books-and trust me, there’s not a single booger-picking fuckhead allowed near my books-and if I even have the faintest idea that someone may want to take my beloved Francis Barret’s The Magnus into the john with him/her, I’ll throw them out of a high window! I suppose the best way to do this would be to charge a fee, and then after each book is returned have someone comb it carefully for any traces of ick…I suppose my library will be a very exclusive library, won’t it? Still, I like reading in bed, but being the germaphobe that I am, I can’t bear the idea of turning a page while dressed in my clean nightie, and someone’s nasty bits falling out when I turn the page. In the old days when I had more money than sense, I didn’t bother going to the library, but now that I have a bit more sense and no money whatsoever, I haven’t much choice. I’ve wondered how I could approach the librarians about this-if only there was an anonymous way-because none of the librarian coven seems to like me very much any more-just because I usually choose to use the self check-out and skip the small talk… moody old hags!

Ok, now let’s move on to another subject that really bugs me: How many of you have phobias??? Ok, I have a few-besides- the germ phobia, and while I’m not ashamed, I do try to cure or at least lessen the intensity of my phobias. One of my phobias is Emetophobia , basically throwing up or seeing anyone else throw up-This fear began when I was about 12, after waking up being sick-I understand that it’s probably related to my extreme control issues, but the idea of waking up-after you’ve thrown up in your sleep is unbelievably scary to me. From that point on, I have done everything I can to avoid being sick. Meaning that since I was 12, I have thrown up three times (don’t you just love the fun Lucia facts I slip in for you??) This means I can’t get drunk for fear that I’ll be sick and of course the fact that I ‘sanitize’ constantly to ward off any nasty bugs. Somehow, I lucked out and while I was pregnant I never threw up once-even while living with someone who fixed broccoli and cheese three times a week-I was extremely lucky. Over the years, I’ve learned various tricks-such as pinching your top lip and pinching the spot between your index finger and thumb-though that’s the SAME place a doctor told me to pinch or massage to stop head pain-so who knows? Maybe it’s just a trick-regardless, it’s definitely saved me from the hurl monster many times. Of course it didn’t do so well when I made the decision to eat steak and chicken fajitas at Applebees-despite the fact  they seemed a bit cold. Truth is, it was the night of my engagement and my future mother-in law was in America for the first time, so I wanted to make a good impression and not appear pushy or something-so I ate them and then I suffered for the next 16 hours or so after I woke up 6 hours later with an “uh-oh something is really not right” feeling in my tummy. Eventually, after believing I was not going to pull through and was convinced I’d be seeing a bright light any second, I decided to’ induce the whole hurl act’ and sure enough I DID feel instantly better-that doesn’t mean I want to ever do it again. So far, it’s been 6 years since the last devastating act and I pray this luck continues for the rest of my life. Still, if only I could be 100% sure that I wouldn’t wake from a tipsy night with major tummy troubles, I’d drink the whole bottle of cheap wine that’s calling out to me from the kitchen right now…
Nope, we aren’t completely done with the hurl business-this IS leading somewhere….

Obviously when you become a mom, you have to become quite tolerant of all sorts of bizarre gross-out situations; Luckily, nature sort of does this for you-mostly, and so it’s no problem changing diapers or cleaning the occasional baby ‘spit-up’. Of course as your child grows, your ability to handle these sort of things lessens and when Nile would feel sick (thankfully not very often partially due to my germaphobic practices, I’m sure) he’d run to the bathroom like a good 8 year-old trooper, and luckily for me, he was extremely good at …aiming well. But this isn’t the case with other people or their children, I’m afraid. I love my nieces, but I really have no urgent desire to clean up after either of them-not even the 6 month old-nope, those days have come and gone, and taking care of your own offspring’s poo diaper is a bed of roses compared to other little people’s messes. These days, when other people’s puke happens, I handle it better than I used to-there was a time when I wouldn’t watch a movie if I knew it had a hurl scene-and then I found an Emetophobia Film List, which gives you the exact time of the scene, so you can close your eyes and hold your ears.  (It’s nice to know I’m not the only person who has this sort of problem!) Unfortunately, I heard someone recently hurl and I felt that old familiar wave of ickyness…This was the nearest I’ve come to hurling since my last boat ride (see tiny photo below). Lately I’ve fallen into the habit of cursing the damned apartment I keep waiting for every single day, along with the fact that I blew all of my money like an imbecile once upon a time and that’s the entire reason I’m in such a tragic situation-  But hey, at least I’m fairly certain I’m not going to hurl anytime soon. Is THAT positive enough??



Forget the crap quality of the photo, notice that I was a sea-sick shade of green!

 Speaking of sick: I’m still dealing with the cough from the silly cold I had nearly a month ago-I have a lingering cough that comes and goes, and so my hypochondriac mind keeps trying to convince me I’ve contracted tuberculosis, and every time I get the urge to cough, I am actually just a little bit afraid that there’s going to be blood on my tissue-just like in the movies-damn my poor, crazy head!!! Of course the fact that this place is teeming with mold can’t possibly be healthy, and though I’ve tried explaining to wveryone that something really should be done, no one seems to understand, so they continuously cough, sneeze and blame their allergies on ‘something outside’. Christ, does anyone have a lawyer that could perhaps defend me if I perform a few mercy killings??? Seriously, the mold is so heavy that it practically spells out words on the walls. Though I am constantly spraying it with bleach-y cleaners, I can spray enough to melt my eyeballs, and sure enough the next morning, there’s a “ha, fuck you, crazy lady-I am unbeatable!” spelled out on the bathroom wall. Perhaps this is Karma-not just the previous financial choices I made-maybe that’s what this is all about….

Finally, on to something pleasant; I watched Saturday Night Live last week, and Kings of Leon was the musical guests. I’d never heard them before, but remember reading that they were brilliant live. Sure enough, I was completely spellbound during BOTH performances, the lead singer (Caleb-I’m really liking that name for some reason) has an absolutely perfect voice and their performances were flawless-the only other band I’ve enjoyed live this much is Radiohead, so you KNOW they must be good! Monday, I had a chance to check out their site, and Tuesday they released their newest album ” Only by the night“. The three songs I’ve heard are “Use Somebody ” “Closer“, and “Sex on Fire“. I’m telling you-you really, really, really need to have a listen to this group. If I wasn’t flat broke, I’d hitch a ride and buy their CD, and that alone speaks volumes for me, because the only other Cd I plan to buy in the near future in The Cure’s cd next month-and that’s mainly because my OCD has convinced me that if I don’t buy a copy, Robert Smith ‘s going to get discouraged at the crappy sales their singles have earned over the past few months and he’ll throw in the towel-and let’s face it, when Robert stops singing, I’m leaving this planet…So go check this group out and tell me what you think. I can’t compare them to any other group I listen to. I did read that Radiohead really like them, but they are nothing like Radiohead. My Southern senses  (Yes, I said Southern, but I doubt I’ll ever refer to myself as such again, so treasure it, or hang on to it and use it against me as ammo in a fight) picked up on a Southern vibe, and after wiki-ing them, I found out that the band is three brothers and a cousin from Tennessee. Anyway,don’t let the fact that Rolling Stone magazine apparently adores them discourage you from giving them a chance. Even Nile commented on the vocals, and he rarely likes anything new. Anyway, I’m totally loving them at the moment and it’s been a while since I’ve gotten excited about something new (probably since ‘Does it offend you, yeah?’). Because I adore you SO much, I’ve left my favorite Kings of Leon song “Use Somebody” so you can have a listen-if you like it, go buy their Cd-AND on their Facebook page, you can watch a few videos and have a listen to “Sex on Fire” (my second favorite song so far).

So, we’ve covered a lot of somethings…or nothings, haven’t we? I’m happy that I’ve actually managed to write something-just a few days ago, I wasn’t sure if I’d be alive another week- as immature and silly as that sounds-but that’s the way my world is right now, which makes me feel terrible, but since I’m tough as nails, I’ll ride out the rough patch and I’ll write again, and hopefully I’ll do some more spoken stuff with E, and kick this horrible situation in the ass…as long as no one throws up on me, of course. If you continue to hang in there for me, I promise I’ll hang in there too!

Your stranger than strange girl,

P.S. My apologies for not emailing in so long-I’m slowly creeping back to life-and by the way, I heard from not one-but TWO friends Thursday that have been MIA for a while, so that definitely lifted my spirits!

D&F: Hello YOU!

Use Somebody



3 Replies to “A Bit of Something or A Lot of Nothing?”

  1. Thanks!
    Wow, it IS a long post, isn’t it? Perhaps it’s a good thing I don’t post daily at the moment.

    Sometimes when I start talking, it’s impossible to shut me up!

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