Those 3 little letters

Maybe it’s me. I’m an ass. But I’m having a hard time with LOL.
When I began my ‘internet life’, I had NO Idea what the fuck these three little letters meant. The sentences they usually finished weren’t particularly funny, so how was I to know?

Keep in mind, kiddos-this was a long, long while ago- yeah I was a “newb” (another term I’d love to slay).

The sort of people I ‘hang’ with aren’t prone to ‘laughing out loud’ after every other random thought, so when some of the pre-emo Goth sweets started peppering emails with ‘LOL’, I wasn’t sure what to make of it. Random example:

“Hey Luci, what’cha doin’
Not much here. Just thought I’d see what’s up
LOL
Been listening to Rozz Williams LOL
It’s becoming more and more apparent that I don’t belong here, I mean ‘here’ in this world LOL
Maybe I oughta follow Rozz’s example and give my fucking Mother and Father an April Fool’s Day  theyll never forget LOL.”

Ok, I can sort of see the humor in the last line-especially if the folks are shitheads. I have a knack for putting strain on my own momma’s ticker on April 1, but come on people!

I’m thinking-“ok, he’s sending me a code or something-maybe  a modern SOS.” Then there was a Mr. non-goth glammy rocker twit that sent  an email, and again the dreaded LOL‘s were everywhere!

“Hiya Luci!
I feel like shit
LOL
I gotta go out today and it’s pissin it down outside! I will no doubt come down with the fuckin’ flu for the third time this year! LOL! I gotta take my little sister to the doctor, she’s growing horns and a third eye , LOL!”

Again, I was perplexed. I ask my roommate, and being the shithead she was (insert a very hateful LOL here, because “I hope U are dead, Pighead-wherever U may be slumming around, sucking the life out of desperate fools !!!” ( add another LOL -just because desperate fools are kinda funny-though maybe only worthy of a ‘wicked grin’, rather than a laugh out loud in my book-so lets try WG ).

Ok where was I? yes-I ask Pighead what she thought it meant and here’s what she said:

“Hon, he likes you! I told you he did! It means ‘lots of love’ that’s cool, Luci”

Ok, that was obviously a waste of time. So I did what everybody and their mother (except mine) does:

I googled it.

and then I still didn’t get it, I was like:What’s so laughing out loud funny, goddamnit?!

During the past few years  with my Beverly Hillbilly/ Squidbillies family, I’ve had the pleasure of sampling a few mind-numbing pills: Zoloft, Abilify, Topamax, Wellbutrin, Lithium (oh yeah! LOLOLOLOLOLOLnot.), And for a while each of these little wonders did indeed stop the claws and fangs from coming out and doing a number on Mother and her wicked little gaggle of rattlesnakes, but lately something new has come over me : I LOL all of the time!  During tv shows that aren’t at all funny; During spats with G; school work with N; standing in line at the grocery store; the library’s periodical section; the list could go on, but you get it.

Now, at first I found it a bit funny, and so did G & N, but the LOLs became more and more frequent and even more inappropriate- for example-sometimes the LOL’s are contagious, and N will begin LOL-ing too-and then G crinkles his forehead, because we’re LOL-ing  during his show about Japan. Or G & I are scurrying around like mice in the dark-while the poison people are asleep-and then I suddenly LOL-and then LOLs and then its complete chaos. I mean my tummy muscles ache from so many LOLs!

Perhaps that’s it. perhaps the LOLs really are an SOS
“We’re all as mad as hatters here, Save us!!”

Maybe everybody’s laughing despite themselves. Maybe The Rozz-wannabe understood this. Maybe the non-goth glammy guy was so miserable over his sister’s horns and third eye-he could do nothing-except laugh in the face of complete horror.

It seems to be working for me.

I have a pal named Rasputin the Mad Monk, who is indeed a bit mad, but a very cool guy, A mystic beach fellow. and he HAHAHAs!!  and to me, it’s refreshing-and a bit more devious- at least coming from a “Mad Monk”.

This little LOL bug has spread to all corners of the world. In the last week or so I have received emails from people in Japan, England, Bangladesh, Italy, Netherlands, Ethiopia, Germany [and a few I’m forgetting Im sure]. AND THEY ALL LOL-ed AT LEAST ONCE!  Christ, even History teachers are LOL-ing.

 Yes, we’re all mad as hatters and the world is completely out of control-thanks in part to the slow Texan Oil brat, and we’re plunging into a new, darker depth, and sometimes the tears can’t come-so all you can do is LOL. Trust me when I tell you that in my most painful experiences over these last few years, I’ve LOL-ed as much, if not more than COL-um, [that’s Cried/crying out loud, you newbs, geez-get a clue!]

So, the next time I get an email from a 60 year-old lady in Tokyo, and she LOL‘s, I will no doubt cringe, but I’ll also understand that there’s nothing else she can do.

-Then I’ll no doubt respond with one of my WG‘s

                                                                      ~ Your Wicked #13
       Time is digging graves for the chosen few,
Children dig graves for me and you –Rozz Williams
                                                                                    

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