Daddy, what’d you leave behind for me?

Friday Night quickie

I had a really good day today-nothing out of the ordinary, but I took the time to do some things I’ve wanted to do for a while…and it was one of those days when the hours pass slowly…slow enough to get things done, that is.

I’m trying to make this a quickie, because I’m off to a party tomorrow…No, it’s not  the sort of party where I get lost in conversation about the glory of Antonin Artaud- it’s my mother’s 60th birthday party…Once upon a time, I could take  her out to a wonderful dinner and perhaps a fabulous museum exhibit, making sure that everyone in the room knew it was MY mother’s birthday…Now, my presence at her party IS the present-let’s hope it’s enough…I’m no good with this sort of social to-do …I’ll just stay very close to N&D and eye-smile a lot, and hope no one notices me at all…I mean, what DO I say to relatives that I haven’t see in years? Should I discuss my writing projects, or my tiny voice acting endeavors? MS? No, those things won’t do in this sort of situation, so what’s left?  The weather, of course.

Ok, I really have to go to bed-but one more thing-Who’s the woman that inspires me in so many ways??? No, we aren’t talking about Cleopatra, Queen Elizabeth I, nor  Mary Magdalene. The one woman who I can refer to myself as a “fan”of is Elizabeth Taylor, of course! Well, guess what? She’s on Twitter…and yes, it’s the REAL Elizabeth! When I discovered this, I think I may have actually made a squeaking sound-and believe me, very few people make me squeak aloud! So sometimes when I read her tweets, I find myself saying “wow, yeah-you’re absolutely right: Life really is empty without Earrings!”

Ok, so that’s my random geek girl confession for the week…Still, you have no idea how great it is to read something that she  feels like saying.

Now,  what are the odds of convincing her to adopt me??

Ok, I really need to go to sleep…Nitey-Nite!

~13

Time for a word with the Dream King

It’s one of those days when I’d love to say something interesting, but I’m really sleepy and honestly, I’ve felt pretty lousy for the past few days…blame it on a lovely cocktail of sporadic sleeping, (sometimes going 30+ hours without stopping and at other times, sleeping 14+ hours at once and even then  finding it difficult to drag myself out of bed), and of course that not so wonderful little curse: MS… By the way, I finally found the nerve to make an appointment with the neurologists, thanks to a bit of  gentle nudging from my Magnum Opus, (Nile)…looks like someone needs his Mom to stick around for a long while afterall-despite the occasional teenage angst (his, not mine-mine isn’t ’occasional’)

So, I’m really focusing on facing things…facing that this is real,(which became a kazillion times more real when I was on the phone making the appointment) and accepting what I can and can not change in my world. I’ll be going bright and early (10 a.m.- ugh!) on Friday, July 3 to see Dr. A., so wish me good luck, because this is not something I’m at all looking forward to…But unlike my last trip to the neuro 3 years or so ago, I’ll be better prepared and now that I know for sure what we’re dealing with, things will be much more focused, and I’ll find out what I can do to slow the MonSter down and spend more time living, rather than merely existing. And hopefully living means getting on with the countless projects that are currently collecting dust.

I’ve not done emails in days and days, which I plan to do tomorrow-so if it’s my turn, you’ll be hearing from me soon. Hopefully tonight, I’ll actually get real sleep and not spend my night smashing zombie skulls, while trying really hard to not to be bitten by one…sounds like a pretty average video game, I know-but it makes for really, really bad dreams, believe me. Maybe I need to have a word with the Dream King or something?

Ok, I thought I’d leave a new picture, and I’ll spare you most of my opinions on what I think of it-but it’s brand new, so as U can see, I’m still alive-just feeling totally exhausted right now and so lazily ‘unglam’…and the picture quality is dreadful, I realize-though I’m not really sure how that happened…anyway, it was actually ‘Son-approved’, which says leaps and bounds, and I’m quite sure he’s happy that it isn’t ‘too provocative’, which is something he recently accused his Mom of being (Me? Provocative?) So here ya go- a kind, gentle, kid-friendly, Sweet, Non-Provocative Lucia…ugh!

  

Hugs & all that yummy stuff,

~13

  

 

                        

                         ”Slacker-girl 13″

           ….At least the smile’s real this time…

Above My WHAT?

Okay, here ya go-and the background noise comes to you compliments of Team Have Not, which you are seconds away from having the pleasure of hearing all about. At the moment, I believe they’re trying to build a fire by banging a few stones together in the courtyard of the apartment complex, Joy!

….and yes, gum is tightly clenched in the cheek , like always-Enjoy!

 

P.S. Forgive the terrible editing and the sleepy voice-I’m much too tired to be doing this right now.

Above My What?

Hugs & Tugs!

~13

No offense intended for:Monstrous perv Chiropractors that really didn’t go ‘too far’ (RIP Dr.S), Snotty-nosed tykes that can’t keep up with subtitled movies (practice, practice, my Sweets-you’ll be fine, but wipe your nose already!), Smart-assed teens in really bad situations who are Oh-so-aware that they ARE better than the situation they’re currently sinking in:(U really will rise, rise rise above it!!) Farmers’ sons that smell like pigs due to the work they do (hard work is really sexy-even if it makes you smelly-it’s ALL good…as long as you aren’t mean to weird girls), Doctors who feel passionate enough to yell, (as long as they don’t terrify young patients with their dark predictions), People who live in trailers or trailer parks, God (if he doesn’t actually ‘target’ trailers for potential tornadic activity), People who pronounce ‘ing’ as ‘en’,(unless your MY ex-stepfather-then it’s one of the million things I really loathe about you-even now), Neighbors who do NOT litter and who do NOT have yelling conversations while neglecting the fact that they may actually be disturbing other people, Anyone who knows me well enough to realize I’m usually being tongue in cheek (what a tasty-sounding phrase huh?), and am not always 100% serious about the things I say, People who can appreciate and perhaps even embrace a little thing called satire…Oh, and of course those ‘women who are far too ’self-absorbed’ and shamelessly promote themselves with an ‘air of self importance’…cheers to you big time, fellow self-promoters!!

Offense WELL intended for:
Bullies who take the piss at ambiguous people, Stepfathers who attempt to criticize their stepchildren destructively, Neighbors who scratch & sniff in public (especially under the spotlight of a very revealing streetlight), Neighbors that spy on the new neighbors and then bitch when they see unfavorable behaviour from the new riff-raff (shame on you for spying, Luci Ann!), Perv doctors that actually go too far with their naive patients, Neighbors who wrongfully judge others because they aren’t like the rest of the ‘natives’, Twisted people that feel the need to remind me that “God Don’t like ugly”, Anyone who doesn’t GET That I’m totally yanking your tangled chain and who don’t realize you really shouldn’t always take me so seriously..and Tony, ‘just a fellow’ who really ‘dislikes women who shamelessly promote themselves with an air of self importance’ Wow-I just consumed even MORE of your ‘valuable’ time, Mr. Just a Fellow Tony (Resistance is so bloody futile, isn’t it? I bet U love it & U KNOW it )

“4U”

This shit right here is 4 U. All your faces I can see- You all think it’s about me- I’m about to break… Is this my fate? Am I still damned to a life, Of misery and hate? You will never know What I’ve done  4 U. What you all..Put Me through; I do it for you. I could (have), Never (lived), If it wasn’t… 4U.

 

Happy Saturday.

~13

“…And her jokes attract the ‘lucky bad type’…”

Hello U,

‘Member me? I’ve been stranded for the past week without internet. Who would’ve known that a DVD burner could stop a computer, two computers in fact, from connecting to a wireless network? Anyway, the problem’s been solved, and I now have a new old pc-with nearly 3 times as much hard drive space, so I’m a happy little pirate once again. I really want to do an audio, but I have a million things to download and set up, so hopefully by tomorrow, I’ll be able to vocally answer some  questions & thank U for some really sweet comments, like this one:

So, there’s been nothing from Dark Lucia for a while now. On Wednesday, I found myself drinking caffeinated coffee on the way to work again rather than listening to your voice or your current “repeat” song to get the blood pumping. If this keeps up I’ll either have to call in sick or switch to the hard stuff to make it through the morning. Come back “13″!  (Josef)

That’s very cool to hear. I’m here again, but call in sick anyway-unless you have a six figure income or something…and in that case, share the wealth with us less than six digit starving artists, or help me find a way to get paid for doing whatever it is I do that gets the blood pumping…Once upon the time, the Army wanted me to be a DJ (seriously), but I couldn’t fake morale boosting then nearly as well as I can now…I still think an early morning radio show would be really sweet, sometimes-as long as I didn’t have to wake up early…Perhaps it could be an end of my night gig or prerecorded?

Anyway, here’s the song that’s been stuck in my head since yesterday morning,-when I really wanted to hear it, but had NO idea where the mp3 was hiding in our MP3 discs, and honestly I was a bit too chicken to get out of bed and come looking for it, but that’s a long story, so I’ll spare U the details for now. Have a listen and if you haven’t heard it yet, then perhaps it’s because it’s older than some of you are…But it’s still brilliant, and the lyrics are Oh So Appealing, for some reason…or another.

I’ve missed U.

 

Smile, seriously-try it, U might really like it!

BIG Hugs and Sugary Sweet kisses…or something (?)

~13

 

Passion of Lovers (Bauhaus)

She had nut-painted arms
that were hers to keep,
and in her fear,
She sought cracked pleasures.
the passion of lovers is for death, said she
Licked her lips,
and turned to feather.

And as I watched from underneath,
I came aware of all that she keep
the little foxes, so safe and sound
they were not dead,
they’d gone to ground.

the passion of lovers is for death, said she
the passion of lovers is for death

She breaks her heart
Just a little too much
And her jokes attract the lucky bad type
As she dips and wails,
And slips her banshee smile,
She gets the bigger of the better to the letter

the passion of lovers is for death said she
the passion of lovers is for death

Give.

Hello U.

I’ve not been online for since Friday morning. I’ll probably update tomorrow…I just wanted to say  Thank U for the wonderful things you’ve said over the past few days. I’m listening to Give, which is one of  Tori Amos’ best songs  EVER.  I especially love the line: “There are some, some who give blood, I give love…”

Ok, still feeling quiet tonight, so it’s YOUR turn now.

Until tomorrow, whenever tomorow happens…

Love

~13

Pass the Tonic, Please.

This began last night..this unexpected feeling, crept in like a thick fog…an ugly brew of sadness and regret…a touch of resentment and some very deep, twisted ache to top it all off. Funny, how you don’t see these things coming, not until its too late and they’ve got you by the shoulders and squeeze, squeeze, squeeze they do, until your shell is battered and your spine abandons you, so U have to sit it out with your eyes closed too tightly, ride it out like a really bad trip and find a small corner of sanctuary in the corner of an old friendly solitide, familar regardless of how long its been since you last met.

This…is this all about someone that hasn’t existed in my world since I was small? Could I REALLY be sad because I can’t remember my father’s voice? His scent is lost to me too…though I remember watching him sleep once when I was visiting-long after he’d stopped being my father and became a bearded stranger in the funny fedora living in the ‘big, big city’…While I watched him, searching his face for some recollection of the man that was my personal Santa when I was three, something much older inside of me had the foresight to capture the scent of him then…some crummy-smelling cologne that appeared as foreign to me as he himself had become and all I could think while I watched him sleep was ” You are not my father, you are no longer my Daddy. You don’t smell like Daddy and you don’t even look like him very much anymore”(except those eyes he handed down to me, so that I’m forced to see him each time I’m brave enough to look into a cursed mirror) And  for some lengthy period of time I watched him sleeping, this stranger with his strong scent and sorrowful face, and I could think of nothing but the quiet room and  the sounds of a city I would eventually fall asleep in myself so many years after.

So, last night brought not only a broken PC monitor, that very quietly died without so much as a sigh, but also this heavy ache for him…Why? Why now? He’s gone-long gone, and even if he were here, how would I feel? Would I look at him as that God-like Santa, larger than life in his khaki coat and long beard, or would he only be the stranger I watched over, searching for something familiar, something relative, as he slept?

I wonder about finding his grave, screaming at him, pounding the earth with my fists and then falling asleep upon him, maybe as some fix for the nightmares that make me afraid to give up and fall asleep every single day-causing my days to become 48 hour days and even then going to sleep with a knotted stomach…I wonder what his last thoughts were, when he last thought of me. He told me once, the only time I saw him after the afternoon I’d watched him sleep, that I had been the ideal child…never needed scolding, never did a single ‘bad thing’…which I think makes it even harder to comprehend why he slipped out of my life so easily…was I too ideal to be looked after? If I would have misbehaved a bit more, would he have stayed in my world? 

NO, put your pencil down Dr. Freud, I’m done rambling, now.

~13

>140

This isn’t a REAL post-just an extended Tweet. But most of you aren’t on Twitter, so I’ve come over here- to give U more than the bloody 140 character limit will allow… Back on my crazy schedule-as if I ever really left it…Listening to Pixies, which I NEVER grow tired of:

‘No more of this girl cryin’
I’m here, your big man
You’re mine

Is she weird, is she white
Is she promised to the night
And her head has no room’

 

Sunday was lazy and non-productive. But I’m entitled to a lazy day once in a while, right?

Frank, it’s Fantastic to hear from YOU again-where’d U run off to? It’s been nearly half a year! I Hope you’re doing great-U should email me sometime. And YES, Rorschach. I love Rorschach, though that really doesn’t make sense considering…

OK, off to play with this and thats…and yes, even more music samples…

Hope everyone has a Happy Monday-whatever the Hell that really is. At least it’s a holiday, right?

‘black tear falling on my lazy queen’…

~13

Out With The Old, In With The BLUE

We SO needed to change the theme, and the furry hood photo is gone too. Blue is the color of the moment in the Underground, so blue it shall be- until we get decent photos and find new ways of making the free blog themes really jump out at ‘cha…so better not hold your breath, Darlings for another change anytime soon.

Wasn’t intentionally ignoring anyone on Messenger earlier, just forgot it was still open while I wasn’t around.  Phone/cable guy came yesterday-he looked exactly like Flea (as in Chili Peppers’ Flea) if Flea were a cable guy, that is… He was extremely friendly and everything looked and sounded great. Then he went away and 20 minutes later, everything stopped working, so we played phone tag with a rep that was absloutely clueless ( I had to remind her that I should perhaps ‘turn on the power’ at one point when she was doing a failed fix-it walkthrough) and now we have to wait until Wednesday to get a replacement. WEDNESDAY-8 effing A.M.! I really think I’m a jinx.period.

Anyway, we still have the shiny new phone service-though I’ve had the ringer off the whole time, mainly because I forgot to turn it on…Ok, off to tinker with words and sounds, and the sounds aspect can be dangerous for those of us who still enjoy groups like Nitzer Ebb sometimes-don’t tease, cuz U KNOW U like it too! 

OR, maybe I’m just trying to fool myself into believing I’m not the only one who listens to Nitzer Ebb sometimes….Wait a sec-listen to this-it’s really good! It’s actually from the Muscle and Hate tribute cd-but U get the idea…(“You don’t need me, I’ll slip away. You can’t hear me, I’m not the same…Control, I’m here!”)

 

Your Funky Blue Girl

~13

BTW, Thanks to safetycopy (“lower case letters, please!”) for the new header!